In 12 hours I will finally know. How do I feel in this moment? Alive! I have not judged any feelings as good or bad. Today I have had knots in my stomach and a heart pounding with excitement. I have felt terrified about how I would feel the moment after and have jammed to tunes on my Ipod- Donna’s “I will Survive”, Frank’s “My Way” and MJ’s “Man in the Mirror”. I felt “on” with inspiration when coaching a friend of mine next to her two Labs.
So tomorrow, if my name is mentioned, I will be so happy I will feel like weeping. I will be so nervous I will feel like vomiting. This is living- The good, the bad and the ugly. I feel it all and it is all good. This is what I have desired more than anything- to feel alive before there was proof that I am. To believe before seeing, to enjoy longing for longing’s sake. For the first time in my life I feel…I feel…proud of myself.
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