The Desire to be Unaware

I can barely muster up the energy to type. I am so tired of stretching myself. I want to crawl under a rock. I want to tell all the experts deciding my fate “I’ve done enough. Take it or leave it. I’m not going to live my life trying to meet others expectations or constantly trying to expand and grow. I’m done! I know I have tried to be authentic and to write from my heart. I know how much courage it took to do what I did. If it is not good enough in your eyes, then so be it. Don’t you see? I am crying out for rest. I have done enough. I want to stop all my classes. I don’t want to have a membership website. I don’t want to create videos. I don’t need 1000 facebook fans. I don’t need my book published. I question every conversation I am having. Did they like me? Did I say too much? Not enough? Why did I send him that? What do I want? At this moment, I want to be unaware. I don’t want to see myself. Will I regret sharing this tomorrow? Maybe. Oh well.