The Bigger Lesson

The bigger lesson. What if I don’t advance? Will this be a fatal blow to my dreams? I know most would tell me that it shouldn’t be. To keep on movin, don’t stop. How long can I keep myself up? I do accept whatever happens as God’s will. It is what it is. But I have to admit, I have not been focused on getting out of the competition, so I have no idea how I will feel or what I will do if I don’t advance. I will allow myself to feel. This much I know. I will look into the eyes of my children and say “Daddy went for it. He did not sit back and let an unfulfilled existence determine his emotional state.” Okay, I may not put it THAT dramatically. They will see sadness and disappointment in my eyes and I will see it in theirs. That is enough for the moment. From this present moment awareness, I will ask, what do I want now? An answer will emerge. Perhaps not right away, perhaps the next day, weeks or months later. A newly minted desire will make itself known and I will start this process all over again…as if for the very first time.