Compelled to follow WHAT?

I just finished tweeting! What a weird vernacular we are developing. I blogged, then tweeted after typing on a Wall? I want to create buzz about my book so I am tweeting selected lines from the text. “I am compelled to follow my heart..” To some this might seem like a no brainer. “Of course he’s compelled to follow his heart. That’s what you are supposed to do when you are a spiritual messenger.” Yet, this is the hardest thing I could possibly do. I have always been led by my head. I wanted to get a counseling degree and chose an MBA instead. Head-led decision. I went to school for acting but was better at analyzing Shakespearean verse than connecting with the feelings of a tragic character. Head-led skill. I am the one in the family that takes care of finance and budgeting , making sure all the bills are paid on time using head-ache inducing worry as my fuel while my wife patiently keeps the emotional safety zone of our home intact.

Everything changed on May 17, 2009. I felt so connected to my heart when I wrote the words that would become the title of my first book- “The Superman Effect”. I did not want to ever again make a decision without consulting my heart. I intuitively knew that this new approach would carry its share of pain. I had done such a fantastic job ignoring my inner longings and now I was compelled to follow them without reservation through the deep caverns of an unsettling past and an uncertain future. It did not take me long before realizing that I was not called to write about what I know. I was called to write about how I feel: Stuck, afraid, guilty, insecure, fake, powerless, and doubtful. Could I learn to be okay with the parts of me that vibrate at lower frequencies? Could these feelings possibly be my doorway to finding joy, trust, freedom, certainty, and authentic power? Could acknowledging these feelings to the world be the secret to my success? My head was saying “you have GOT to be kidding!” My heart was saying “you have GOT to give it a try.” It has been a year not without its share of painful experiences. What I have come to learn however, is that the pain is associated not to any icky feelings but to my judgments of any feeling as icky. The more I sat with sadness, anger, guilt, resentment, fear and insecurity without labeling them as good or bad, the greater my capacity to open my heart and let in joy. As one of my teacher’s likes to put it, “it all becomes juicy and even sadness starts to feel good.”

So this newfound compulsion to follow my heart is not a passing fad. It is now my way of life and it has served as the main catalyst to the moment when everything changes.